Last time, we finished talking about the six warhorses of discontent. Now let’s begin with Three Ways to Cultivate Contentment.
Three Ways to Cultivate Contentment
- Gratitude
It is said that gratitude is the most fleeting of human emotions. Often, a lack of gratitude coincides with losing sight of the big picture. If you live in the United States of America, you live in a land of freedom and opportunity like history has never seen. You can look forward to a long, productive life span that is without precedent. And yet if you are displeased with the state of affairs, you can have a vote in changing them and vocalize your displeasure without fear of reprisal.
Some reading this accounting will think it naïve. They will cite cancel culture, racism and more. Yet people the world over continue to risk their lives to come here fleeing conditions elsewhere that are worse. Our country is not perfect. But I’m highly confident the future is bright and tomorrow will be even better.
Tell someone you appreciate them. I’m a landlord renting apartments. Our success or failure hinges upon things like how well we vacuum the halls, pull the weeds, pick up the cigarette butts and other litter and remove the pet waste. Often the individuals tasked with this work are invisible and underappreciated. I try to share with them how important what they’re doing really is. And how much I appreciate them for doing it.
There are everyday occurrences that we take for granted that are unimaginable for people from another time or place. Like jet travel and commuting to work in a comfortable, safe, reliable automobile. For that matter, having work that is not back breaking and life shortening. We have access to a world of information from a device that fits in a pocket. We take a few pills or get an injection to avoid illness that used to routinely kill millions.
If the input is gratitude, the output is patience and happiness. The logic behind this should be obvious.
- Acceptance
Accept people and things for how they are and not how you wish them to be.
Sometimes I have to keep learning this one. I’ve often said, I’m not in the training business, I’m in the consequences business. Certainly, we need to train new teammates in the nuances of their job so they can be effective. But character is something that we cannot train. That was mom’s job. If you show up at Decker Properties lacking in character, I have yet to find a way to consistently fix that.
Recently, we had a promising young woman join our property management team. She was hard working, knowledgeable, experienced and creative. I thought this was someone that could take us places. But she had a penchant for mistreating subordinates. She was polite and professional with anyone she perceived to be a superior or an equal, but for someone seemingly in a lesser position, it was another matter. I just shared how we rise or fall on the shoulders of those tasked with the humblest responsibilities. Mistreating these heroes grieves my soul.
I tried to point out to Dawn (not her real name) that this was a conscious choice she was making. One example involved our second in command. He came up through the maintenance track. Even now, he can be found visiting apartment buildings in a flannel shirt and work boots. He looks right at home with a set of tools in his hands. When Dawn first met him, not knowing who he was, she treated him like he was just the maintenance man.
No one at Decker Properties is treated like they’re only the ______. I may be stuck on repeat, but to the rest of us that are still thinking, we know we rise or fall based on the state of the hallways, the weeds and the litter. While these tasks may be low skilled and unglamorous, they are vital. And the people charged with doing these tasks need to be treated accordingly. That someone would belittle a teammate that already has what would otherwise be a thankless job is infuriating. It completely goes against our culture.
I tried repeatedly to explain this to Dawn, but the lesson never took. It was a frustrating experience. Dawn was and is bright, creative and hardworking and I wish her well. She has since left us and if she cannot change the way she treats her team, that is for the best.
The need to accept people and things for how they are and not how you wish them to be is certainly not limited to employees. Sometimes parents, grandparents, siblings or old friends don’t have it in them to be the supportive, loving, encouraging people they are supposed to be. You can continue to beat your head against a wall of frustration expecting somehow these folks will change or behave differently. Or you can accept them for who they are and adapt accordingly.
Accepting people and circumstances for how they are is energizing. Now the positives that remain in these relationships can be enjoyed unfettered by expectations that will never be met.
- Experiences versus material possessions
The junk yard is full of cars that were new once. They may have been someone’s pride and joy. Today they are just junk. That’s what happens to stuff. Material possessions must be maintained. They must be secured. They are a responsibility.
People quickly adapt to their surroundings. What was once new and special quickly becomes the new normal. Too much stuff is its own burden, called clutter.
But an additional joyful experience never adds to clutter. Our memory of experiences can grow fonder with time while materiel possessions deteriorate with time.
We connect with others and form relationships through experiences. I have lifelong friends I met in college and while playing softball.
Experiences make comparisons more difficult. Some people love to hunt and fish. Others would rather travel abroad. How is one better than the other? It depends on who you are.
Let’s return for a moment to our earlier question in our previous discussion of what do you really want? Sometimes our lack of understanding of what we really wanted sends us off course. Come back next week to learn more.